so irritating.

Class BBQ. I don't know how to describe it. It wasn't really the most fun/enjoyable BBQ I had but it wasn't really that bad.

Only my parents can make me cry. It is proven.
Just one phrase from them to irritate me can make me blast.
Others suan me like siao also not so bad.
It's damn irritating luh. Can't stand it. Kaopeh.

Was really sad on Thursday. I wanted to hide myself under a pillow a suffocate to death.
Can't believe I failed Elit so badly. Praying very hard not to fail. Plzplzplzplzplz.
Then June Yeo calls me out to collect my paper and kaopeh about not writing my full name etc.
Damn.
So far my record is like this.
Amath: 7/25 I don't care actually.
Elit: 9/25 _l_
Emath: 10/20 shocked
English: 10/20 shocked. In a good way. But I lost the Sakae treat from Fann.
Geog: 13/25 :'(
Chinese: (28/50)*2 :@

Shiats manzxzxzx. Damn !!!!!!
I was sad/ disappointed/ ashamed etc. But no emo-ish or crying feeling.
I don't understand people who cry for their results. Out of sorrow.
I'm prolly immune to the disappointment already. I suck.
Didn't bother to listen during Amath afterwards. I really give up on Amath.
Tears behind the eyeball. blah. I couldn't make myself cry even if I had to. I care too much about my face. Not that I'm glam all the time or somthing.

CCA was er, I forgot.

Friday was slack. Went to school late and took my excuse slip from Rachel.
Physics was slack. Mr Tan didn't come.
Chinese was only Yi Lun Wen.
Then recess. Then English debate. Me and Shuqi left right after the briefing.
Rehersal at Republic Poly Theater.
Their Theater is better than Singapore Conference Hall.
Their Canteen is nicer than the one in the airport.
Their shops are nicer than shops in Tampines Mart.
Their location is even more ulu than AHS.

Today was supposedly fun. I don't know why I'm sad now.
Met Zhiyi at Pasir ris MRT at 4 along with Zhiyan.
Zhimin was late. He was at home playing com while we waited like siao at the MRT station.
Zhiyan had Mac and I had half a Mcflurry she bought for me and Zhiyi.
Then we went to buy drinks and went to Pasir ris park.
I deleted all my laughing parts. Totally irrelevant and random.
To the pit. Damn far. Irritating people. Organisers, namely Fann, sucks.
Don't have anything.

Start fire. Cook. Eat. Cook. Eat. Eat. Eat. Eat. Talk. Talk. Talk. Talk. Cook. Talk. Talk. Eat. Eat. Eat. Eat. Talk. Talk. Talk. Talk. Bullshit. Talk. Talk. Go toilet. Take photo. Go home.

Pissed. Maybe just that I was tired. I don't know lah.
Feel so weird and out. ZZZ.
Screamed at my dad. Shit.


I. AM. SUCH. AN. ASS.


Stupidity in me is so obvious.
Don't know what to say. Really isn't mood swing. Can't be.
I regret so many things I have done and not done.

Whatever I said or did, I feel like a robot.
Akwardly moving from place to place. Not knowing what to do.
Then make a fool of myself when things go wrong. Pretend to be alright.
Make myself do things I don't want to. Think that its okay, that whatever has happened is okay and that it is what I want.

In fact, it IS what I want. Only that it was what I thought would be the best.
Keeping it to myself and not letting anyone know. Let them think that it is what I am.
Or rather, no one is looking. I'm the one who is looking and so self-conciously twisted whatever I wanted to. Not facing my true feelings was one and forcing myself to do things was two.

Emo-ing is good in my opinion. Only if it is for someone you care for.
Emo-ing about dumb things is wrong and annoying. The worse thing is that no one cares.
What I want is to stop all this. Or not. I can't even decide what I want.
I don't want to regret. This is shit.