whatever it is. im losing control.

anti-socialness. i guess she finally figured that out.
everyone changed. long before she exclaimed it into my ear just now.
instead of accusing others, i kept quiet.
quiet since the slight sugar rush faded due to my ice cream.
i dont seem to mix in well with her nowadays.
it seems like a mirror of my old self. total madness.

for the other. she just feel far away and unreachable.
smiling, but no one knows what she is thinking about. i guess we really neglected her alot.
thats what it feels like.

and for the once-to-be emo girl, im glad that she is happy now.
that she have finally found what she wanted. she's just another vunerable soul.
finding a person you trust and love at the same time is not very easy.
i hope she cherish him and understand the reason to our frequent quarrels that happened.

i once thought that we might have possibly stay together, still understand each other. but i dont think so now. i realise that i have never understood them. or i should say, i have never tried hard enough to understand them better. you were right. nothing can possibly stay together forever.

and there is her. the only one left with me now.
im thankful to your innocence and your willingness to understand people and to accept them.
it kept us together. even till now. though we are not as close as it was then, you were there and still are.
retarded as i will comment about you, it shows that ignorance really is bliss.

and right there, there was him.
once, i thought he was someone i could trust and talk my heart out to, but the situations were contridicting my thoughts.
somehow i kinda understand how he felt then. its like someone stalking you.
he was a helping hand to get me out of my really grumpy and screwed up moods. i appreciate that. i couldnt stop thinking about it.
and yes, for once i thought that it was the formula of chemistry plus hormones. stupidity.
i realised that im just insignificant, and some what a troublemaker.
call it paranoid for an overstatement. byebye to him for now. i dare not think about the future.

lastly, there is her. fun, sociable and caring.
her social life never seem to be a problem to you. thats what i admire.
her social life is like the number of students in the sec2 conhort.
some occational dispute with one of her bestie may piss her off totally, i can understand that.
dealing things without losing her temper, i admire that.
she take things like its so easy to handle. i dont understand.
happy go lucky, its been an enjoyable time with her. i hope it can carry on.


break ups with friends, changes in personality and those happy times.
i see them happening around me everyday.
i dont understand a thing now, i maybe never would.