im trying to reach my goals.
the goals i set for myself.
the goals that seems so wonderful and fufilling.
just thinking of it.
but its impossible to reach it.
i admire at those who achieved it, and laugh at myself.
laughing cause i cant achieve it, at the efforts i put into it.
stupid niiave thinking.
i tried to put in effort in everything i do, but the result is the same.
no matter what i do, its the same.
i try very hard. very very hard.
but its all in vain.



it ell myself what is right.
like what a councilor will tell you.
all the correct answers/ moves you should take.
my mind tells me to go in that direction.
but my heart tells me to go in the other direction.
i feel empty.
not the type that makes you feel like a hole big portion is missing.
but those with little but many holes.
the feeling isnt intense. but its lingers in your heart.
it feels numb. it numbs your whole body, mind.



i try to keep a smile on.
its working. but when im alone.
the feeling comes back.
no one seems to know. im good at acting am i?